


shadow of the past before the war

by humanveil



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Friends to Lovers to Enemies, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-28
Updated: 2016-07-28
Packaged: 2018-07-27 07:01:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7608346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/humanveil/pseuds/humanveil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They hadn't always been like this. Hadn't always been so hateful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	shadow of the past before the war

**Author's Note:**

> This started as a twitter thread but I love making myself sad so i wrote the thing. although it's not so detailed, friends to lovers to enemies is how i think of it sO. i hope you like it!!

The door slams behind the General as Hux storms from the room, and Kylo waits a full five minutes before moving again; using the time to breathe deeply and attempt to calm himself.

Even as he moves further into his personal quarters, he can still feel Hux’s presence; can feel the judgemental gaze, the shimmer of _something_ that lay beneath his mind. Their encounters are almost always emotionally exhausting these days, leaving Kylo with the desire to lie down in bed and sleep for a year or five.

He doesn’t. Instead, he sits on the edge of his bed, a long sigh escaping his lips as he pulls the mask from his face. It’s a gift when he’s around others, a welcome barrier between him and Hux, but now, alone, there’s no use for it.

They hadn’t always been like this; so cold towards each other, so hateful. He can still remember the days where they’d been kind to one another – or, at least, as kind as either was capable of.

Their intolerance for each other was something that had grown over time. Something that manifested as a small speck in the distance and grew to an all-consuming, overpowering being that stood over them like a looming shadow.

Part of him, one Kylo doesn’t visit often, knows the reason for the change. When they’d first been introduced, Kylo had known Snoke was pushing them together; encouraging them to work with each other.

It had been perfectly fine, right up until it wasn’t.

Snoke had started putting them against each other, had started making them compete for every little thing. He had used their competitiveness, their desire for success and approval, against them to wedge a gap that only ever continued to cultivate.

Snoke had let them grow closer to one another only to tear them apart. A training technique, Kylo knew. One that encouraged them to unleash their power through pain.

It had worked.

Still. Sometimes, Kylo looks at Hux and sees the person he knew once; remembers the way Hux’s eyes had crinkled on the odd occasion where Kylo had got him to smile. Remembers the way his laugh had filled the room.

(Unbeknownst to Kylo, Hux often looks at the mask and remembers a younger boy, remembers the way Kylo had looked so peaceful as he slept, curled up at Hux’s side.)

The memories seem so distant that sometimes, (more often than he’d like to admit), Kylo wonders if their relationship had ever actually been anything other than this. Anything other than strained conversation and eye contact filled with contempt. Anything other than poorly concealed disdain and bitter words that were usually only half true.

Sometimes, on days like today, he’s not sure if his memories are just fabricated dreams, constructed over time to make the past seem more pleasant.

Whatever they were, he hates himself for missing it. For wanting it back.

He thinks he misses it, anyway. Occasionally, when he lets himself, he even thinks Hux does, too. Which is a stupid thought.

Utterly idiotic.

He _knows_ there’s no way to go back. Too much, too much has happened. To them, between them, because of them.

It wouldn't work.

It wouldn't.

It’s a truth he’s known for a long time, and so he settles for disgusted glares and tries to ignore some of the best times of his life. Settles for the occasional hate filled fuck and pretends to ignore every too tender touch.

It's nothing at all like what he’d wanted, not when they'd started out. But their previous selves were too far away. Too much of a memory.

Although it wasn’t ideal, their relationship was enough; but only because it _had_ to be enough.


End file.
